This Is The Way You Left Me
by I'm a Nerd and Proud
Summary: Ally's thoughts on everyone leaving her. And a twist at the end of Season 5….


**This is the Way You Left Me**

(Check out the song called _This is the Way You Left Me _and if you want to get the FULL feeling, looking up Ally McBeal with it….)

I DON'T OWN ALLY MCBEAL OR THE SONG LYRICS

Summary: Ally's thoughts on everyone leaving her. And a twist at the end of Season 5….

Note: _Italic _means Ally's thoughts, _**Bold/Italic **_means song lyrics, and **Bold **means time skip. Just FYI!

**Ally's point of view**

He just got up and left me. He was standing there, walking about _our _kids and how we had been married for 12 years. I didn't say anything, feeling just so happy. _Billy loves me! _

He loves me…

Billy Thomas loves me.

Then as if the angels didn't wish for me to be happy, they take him away… I sat there, listening quietly to him when he mumbles, "I-I gotta….rest…" and then, the love of my life falls to the ground and blacks out.

I had never been so scared in my life, and yet he was gone… I ran to him, and then was trying to get him to breath but I just— _it couldn't be happening! _No! Billy!

My thoughts were jumbled. All I could think about was that Billy— the love of my life since I was 8 years old was gone. I stayed by his side till the doctors told me that Billy, he was gone…. He was dead.

I sob softly to myself before I find some strength and head back to Cage & Fish. Everyone was working away, like nothing had happened. Not like Billy had died and I got so angry— but how could they know? How could they know Billy was dead?

_Billy… _

I enter the main room, and I just watch everyone rush around, doing work. I have to tell them. I cough quietly, asking them if I could have their attention. "Could I-uh have everyone's attention?" Everyone stops, looking at me with question.

_Billy….gone…_

I shift on my feet. I know I must look like a mess but my best friend, my true love was _dead_. Billy is gone. He had left me.

I notice everyone watching me closely…. _Good_. I will tell them and they will understand but they won't get _my _pain. I shift again, looking off into space, remembering the awful memory. "About 40 minutes ago… umm…." I couldn't get the words out! "B-Billy Thomas passed away…"

I could see a few people's mouths drop, and my heart crunched at the thought of them thinking about Billy. _How could he leave me? _

They're all thinking now, and each one of them takes in a shaky breath. I keep going…. _It's what Billy would have wanted… _

I told lies, telling them he went quietly when he just _dropped _onto the floor and left me behind. I however knew that I could never tell them the truth…no one could know. "He went…..quietly….and peacefully…"

Once the words were out, I bow my head because it just— it hurts so much! I go to my office and that is when I really begin to cry. He was gone… my Billy was gone.

_**This is the way you left me…. I'm not pretending… **_

I sit on my chair, holding my knees to my chest and look longingly out the window. I wanted Billy back so much.

_TAKE ME INSTEAD! _I thought sadly.

_**No hope, no love, no glory… No Happy Ending.**_

I actually let the tears form in my brown eyes, and then…I let them fall. Yeah I know Billy wouldn't want me to be sad….but I can't help it! He spoke like we were meant to always be together— did he know he was dying? Did he know he only had moments left?

What if…what if he actually thought that was what we should have had?

_**This is the way that we love, like it's forever. **_

I sob quietly to myself, thinking back to the times when Billy was my whole world- when I was his.

Before Georgia…when it was only me and him.

_**Then live the rest of our life, but not together…**_

I would need to move on but how could I? I sob quietly, and think about the time we first kissed…. How magical that had been and I would treasure it forever. Then, I heard Ling come in. _Why can't everyone just leave me alone?!_

"They're going to have a quiet service tomorrow," Ling said quietly, in a soft voice I never knew she could have. "Richard's making the arrangements."

I could only force myself to nod, and stare off into space. "Okay," I force out but my voice sounded horse, "Good…"

And then, she asked the stupidest question, "You okay?"

_What do YOU think? I LOST THE MAN I LOVE! _However, I had no will to fight with anyone right now. I could only think of Billy. "You know…"

"Yeah," She sounded actually….soft. "I'm here," She added.

I nod slowly, "I know."

_**If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well**_

She touched my hand before letting it go, and then nodded letting me know I could cry to myself without anyone watching. Then as if I couldn't mourn, I hear _his _voice. "It's gone, you know…"

"And so are you…" I sound so much like a robot.

"No," Billy whispered.

"You left me again…" I say in a weak sad voice.

_**A little bit of Heaven, but a little bit of hell…**_

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((~xXx~)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It wasn't something I was counting on to fall back in love with someone— much less someone like him. Larry Paul. He was something completely different and yet I was still nervous about sticking around for Billy. He was dead.

But he was it.

Larry caught me completely off guard when he just walked right into my life and I swore my heart fluttered after so long. I actually was happy.

I was happy till he ended up leaving me because his son needed him. I understood why but it felt like Billy all over again, but the funny thing is….I knew Larry would come back, he promised. Besides, he said he loved me.

_Billy said he loved me too… _

_**This is the hardest story that I've ever told**__**…. **__**No hope, or love, or glory**_

I was broken. So I took my Larry snowman and I put him in the fridge, at least I knew he wouldn't leave me. Not like the other men I've loved… I hadn't thought of Billy in a long time, and it felt wrong. Yeah he had a place in my heart but the thought of finally getting to be happy made my heart grow.

And yet it was ripped away from me anyway.

_**Happy endings gone forever more…..**_

My eyes water at the thought of losing Larry too. I couldn't lose him! I just couldn't handle it!

So when I came home to see my snowman melting, I got scared. I was ready to cry because yet again, something else I love was leaving me! Then, I heard his voice…

"You stuck me in a freezer?"

I turn around quickly, in fear that maybe this was just another trick of my mind like before… He was standing there, looking like he was unfazed by the fact that we were seeing one another. Maybe it was just another trick….

I couldn't get words out, and Larry gave me a look. "Are…are you back?" I wanted to slap myself in the face. I sounded so stupid!

"I-I'm back," Larry said simply.

And I began to fall harder in love with him. DAMMIT! And in the end, he left me too. Everyone left me… everyone left me.

Billy….Larry….Larry snowman….

And as I finally got to get better, I fell in love again but not like I had with Larry— Victor was a nice guy but he would never be it, he would never match up to Larry…or Billy.

Silly really, I broke up with Victor because he didn't have sex with me like he did with others and when he told me the reason why he broke up with one of his girlfriends, it hit him. "That's why he did it….that is why Larry left me like he did…" I had whispered. Victor got mad, and left. The next morning he came over and gave me a plane ticket. He told me I needed to go to Larry because we couldn't be together with him in between us. I yelled, he yelled and then we were through.

So I ended it between us and then….I moved to New York with my daughter because she needed to go, she was getting sick and she needed to go back to her home. So I went. I said goodbye to my friends and then a thought hit me.

_I was the one finally leaving…._

I hug them all and then I leave.

_**This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending… **_

I turn around as the tears ran down my cheeks, thinking about how the saddest moments of my life turn into the happiest. So I had to be happy. That was why I was crying, because I was happy and I knew everything would turn out alright. I turn around and head towards the car that was awaiting me and then I go home.

Maddie was there finishing up packing and she took one look at me and then ran to hug me. "Everything will be okay Ally," She whispered.

_**No hope, no love, no glory…**_

"I-I know, but this is the right choice. You need your friends, and I will make sure everything turns out okay." I promise and then I get everything packed up and we begin to start bringing everything to the car. We were going to New York.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((~xXx~)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**2 Years Later **

I couldn't believe it! Maddie was ready to return to Boston because I felt wrong in New York. Yeah it was a nice place, but it wasn't Boston. I wanted my friends, and so since it was summer, Maddie and I were going back for 2 weeks vacation.

I hadn't told anyone I was coming back, as I wanted to surprise everyone. We board the plane, our bags safely tucked away and Maddie on her IPod. She was listening to music.

My memories of Boston were returning and my heart broke. Billy….Larry….Victor….John… How could I return to all that? Well, I was still friends with John and he never left me like the others did but I guess it would be a little awkward. I heard that he and Nelle had gotten back together which was awesome, I loved seeing them together.

But…the plane had started so my mind went to my daughter who seemed unfazed.

_**This is the hardest story that I've ever told…..**_

I hum to myself when the plane landed and we get off. We grab our bags and off we were, entering Boston. "We-we're here…" I whisper in shock.

"Yeah we are," Maddie nodded. "Why? Is something wrong Mom?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm just nervous…. I haven't seen everyone in 2 years! I mean I did miss Richard's second wedding…."

"Hey, he understood," Maddie said.

_**No hope, or love, or glory…**_

We near the old firm and I smile at the memory of entering there for the first time, my first day of work. I smile as Maddie held my hand and we enter. It looked completely the same— but it wasn't. I shrug as I look around but everyone stopped to stare at me. Yeah I know Maddie had grown in 2 years, as she was now 12. But I hadn't…

"Ally McBeal?" my eyes meet the ones of John Cage. "Ally is that really you?"

"Yeah! John!" I grin widely letting go of John's hand and run to him. I didn't know how much I had missed him till…. "It's me!"

We pull back now that my friends came out. Richard, Elaine, Nelle, Georgia (she worked there again?), and even Renee. I couldn't believe it! Tears form in my eyes as I remember my friends, and then we're all hugging one another. Maddie joined in too as they were her friends too. "Are you really back Ally?" Elaine asked quietly.

"Yeah I am," I whisper, "Or at least for 2 weeks- this is my vacation…"

Everyone cheered. I was surprised anyone even missed me. They tell me about what has happened in the last little while. Richard said that his wedding was still going strong, and they had kicked off a few lawyers and they brought back in Georgia and even hired Renee. I just nod and smile, and tell them that I had a great life in New York but it wasn't Boston. I love Boston.

Elaine told me that she and Mark had gotten back together and now they were getting married. _That _had been a shock. But I smile and tell her congrats. Nelle explained how she was wrong and got back together with John, and they were planning on getting married sometime too.

I smile at them all, and wonder if they were all really that happy; they were.

"So Ally, are you seeing anyone?" Richard asked, now holding onto Liza.

I sigh and look down at my feet. "No…I tried a few times but I couldn't get myself to— not after Victor and Larry…."

Everyone knew that Victor had burned my deeply after I tried after Larry. Victor brought up bad memories and hurt me more than help. So no I didn't date.

"He was an asshole, Ally." Renee said, causing me to nod and hold onto Maddie's hand.

"I know— I just I thought he would be different….he just left me just the same." I say sadly, "First Billy leaves me…then Larry….and then even Victor left me! Do guys just like leaving me?!"

I actually broke down crying, for the first time in many years. Renee held me as I cried, and when I finish, everyone is looking sadly at me. I took in a shaky breath. "I'll be okay—"

"What's going on out here?"

_IT WAS HIS VOICE!_

_**Happy endings gone forever more**_

I turn around towards where my old office was and there he was standing, Larry Paul. My throat got dry and my eyes began to water because well….it was Larry! I must look like some fish with no water because I can't speak- and my mouth must be hanging open.

"Ally….?"

"Larry?"

We both spoke at the same time.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was going towards him and then I slap him, hard. I glare deadly as tears form in my eyes. Larry stood there and his mouth fell open too. I couldn't believe him! And then, I was letting the tears roll down my cheeks. "That's for leaving me a damn NOTE!"

Larry looked pretty sheepish but he was still in shock that I had slapped him. "You know I suck at goodbyes—"

"Still! You said you wouldn't ever leave me again and you did! YOU LEFT ME JUST LIKE BILLY!" I shout at him as I shake in anger before I turn and storm towards the way out. Maddie followed.

Just as I got in, Larry followed and I was pissed. "Ally please- I didn't mean to cause you pain! I—"

"You just wanted me to hate you?! Well guess what?! I fell in love with you! I loved you so much Larry and I yet again lost another love because I couldn't forget you!" I shout at him as my tears keep running down my cheeks. "I left Victor because he tried to get me to go to Detroit to see you and finish _us _because he loved me so much!"

Larry was frozen. "Ally— I've never forgotten us and I wish we could be together— that's why I'm in Boston! I came back for you and they told me you left for New York so I stayed, and waited for you. Richard gave me a job because he couldn't go against a lawyer like me."

_He came back for me?_

_**I feel as if I'm wastin'**_

I shake my head. "Please— I'm trying to get over you—"

"Then don't," Larry said taking my hand and causing me to look up at me. "Love me. Please Ally, I love you and I won't ever leave you again. I've been in Boston waiting for you to return for almost 1 year and a half."

I look down at my shoes as my tears roll down my cheeks. "How can I trust you not to run?"

He sighed and then got down on my knee. "I promise I won't because…because I want to marry you. Will you marry me Ally McBeal?"

My mouth fell open. He was willing to marry me…? Did that mean he wasn't running? Maddie stepped out though and in front of me. "When I finally found my mom, she was torn apart by you and your stupid letter- if you do it again I will be the one to knock your nuts to the ground. Ally should always get the happy ending because she worries so much about everyone! She left Boston, her home because I couldn't handle bullies here! So YOU SMARTEN UP!"

Larry nodded and then looked up at me, holding out a ring in a box. I cover my mouth because the ring was beautiful!

"So will you?"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

He puts the ring on my finger and I smile brightly. Hopefully….he would stay this time around. "I love you Ally McBeal."

"And I love you Larry Paul— but I can't handle you running again." I tell him.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss my lips. "I won't be running…"

"Good," both me and Maddie say.

"So who is she?" Larry asked after our kiss was over to look down at Maddie.

She glared. "I'm Maddie McBeal, Ally's daughter!"

He looked up at me with confusion and I blush. "Long story…."

"Well we now have forever together so get telling!" Larry said with a bright smile on his face.

So he was right… "Okay, well a long time ago I gave one of my eggs for science and well, Maddie happened. She found me 2 years ago, and well here we are. She is my daughter I just never knew about her."

"Oh," Larry said making an 'O' shape with his mouth. "Okay gotcha, so what do you say we have Sam meet Maddie?"

"Sam's here?" I asked surprise.

He nodded. "Sam moved in with me when Jamie couldn't be the mom he needed. She got drunk and then ended up hurting him." Larry explained. "So he's mine fully."

I hug him and smile. "Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah it does, so what would Maddie say about becoming a Paul?" Larry asked, looking at her.

She rolled her eyes. "When I see you won't hurt Ally, then maybe then."

"Okay, deal," Larry said and nodded. Everything was working out.

Maybe I would be okay…

_**The End**_

**Hey everyone! I hope you like this story and please review! It would mean the world to me as I just finished Ally McBeal last night and I had to write because she was so sad…and I've always loved the whole Ally/Larry so I couldn't help myself!**

**So please review? **


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